Food Relationships: A Talk with SPARK

Talking to Kids and Teens About Food and Diet

A Q&A with a Dietitian and a Behavioral Health Practitioner

Talking to kids and teens about food can be a challenge. You want them to be empowered to be the healthiest version of themselves, but you don’t want them to become unhealthily critical of themselves or obsessed with achieving certain goals.

We connected with two experts from SPARK, our pediatric weight management program, about building healthy habits and relationships with food and how parents can support their kids. Read on to learn what they had to say!

About the Experts

Amanda Margiotta, RD, LMNT, is a clinical dietitian for the SPARK Pediatric Weight Management Clinic at Boys Town National Research Hospital. She received her Master of Science in nutrition and health sciences from the University of Nebraska-Lincoln.

Michelle Maurer, LIMHP, CPC, is a clinical therapist at the SPARK Pediatric Weight Management Clinic at Boys Town National Research Hospital. She received her Master of Science in clinical mental health counseling from Bellevue University.

What does a good relationship with food look like? Why is it so important?

AM: Someone who has a positive relationship with food allows themselves to eat a variety of foods without feelings of guilt, judgement or shame. They celebrate all foods and do not have any foods that are off limits (apart from medical necessity – such as food allergies or intolerances).

Food enhances our lives in so many ways, including physical nourishment, celebrating traditions and connection with others. Having a healthy relationship with food promotes both physical and mental health.

MM: Food should be viewed as amoral. There are no “good” or “bad” foods, but there are foods that are better for us and those that aren’t as healthy. Food is sustenance, and balance is key both with healthy and not so healthy foods.

Having a good relationship with food is very important. Food is a constant in life, and an absolutely necessity to live a healthy life. We can’t escape it, so we need to learn how to navigate a positive relationship with it.

What might a poor relationship with food look like?

AM: Someone who has a negative relationship with food may express strict “food rules” or may avoid certain types of foods or food groups.

MM: A poor relationship with food could also look like micromanaging what, when and how one eats, diet cycling, rigidly practicing only one eating style (unless medically necessary) or feeling guilt or shame during or after a meal.

Are there signs that parents can watch out for if they think their child is struggling with their relationship to food?

AM: Something an adult might notice is a child discussing how specific foods are “good” or “bad.” These types of statements could lead to the child avoiding certain foods or food groups all together. They may also turn those comments into stating that they are “good” or “bad” for eating the specific foods. Parents should stop this type of talk immediately and have a conversation with their child about benefits of all foods. 

MM: One of the biggest things I see with patients in our clinic is sneaking and/or hiding food. If a parent notices that the child doesn’t eat much around others but finds wrappers or dishes in their room, that would be an important time to have a conversation with the child. If the child refuses to talk about their relationship with food or behaviors around food, that can be a concerning sign. Another concerning sign to look out for is the child wanting to start any type of diet.

Do you have any advice for adults who notice a child struggling with their relationship with food?

AM: Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Food relationships can be challenging, especially if an adult is struggling themselves. There are plenty of resources to help parents navigate this tricky situation.

MM: Always approach from the offensive. Think about what concerns you have ahead of time and stay calm. Be willing to hear your child out before saying what you think. It can be scary to approach this topic with your child, so make sure you go into the conversation with a calm mind and clear direction. Make sure that the child knows you care about them and their health, not their weight or appearance.

Michelle, you mentioned not discussing weight when talking to your child. Can you expand on that?

MM: Your conversation should always lean toward health, not weight or physical appearance. If you hear your child talk negatively about their weight, it is not beneficial to follow their lead by encouraging weight loss. It can be damaging for a child to think the parent is reinforcing their own negative thoughts.

Also, don’t compare your child’s weight to other children, especially their siblings. Every body is different. If there are significant concerns about a child’s weight, it should be addressed with their doctor to determine if additional steps are needed, like a referral to the SPARK clinic.

Good tips! Can you share some unexpected ways adults may negatively impact a child’s relationship with food?

MM: If a parent struggles with their weight or body image and talks about themselves negatively around the child, the child can then begin to think that something is wrong with them as well and start to see themselves or food in a negative light. Parents who are picky eaters or have strong reactions to food can accidentally model to their kids that there’s something wrong with a particular food or food group. It’s “monkey see, monkey do” a lot of the time.

Amanda, what habits do you suggest incorporating into daily life to maintain a positive relationship with food, both for you and your family?

AM: There are a few things one can do to maintain a positive relationship with food for yourself and your family.

• Allow all foods to have a place in your diet. And be sure to eat foods from all food groups.
• Avoid negative comments around certain foods and/or food groups.
• Listen to your body and allow yourself to eat when you feel hungry and stop when you feel full.